The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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