i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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