take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
