We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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