you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
