foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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