I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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