is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
