I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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