Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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