How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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