remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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