I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
