Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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