yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
