HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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