just tell him i said nine months
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
