oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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