She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
