I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
