you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
