it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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