I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
