So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
