I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
