i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
