Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
