so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
