I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
