you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
