just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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