he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
