she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
