wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
