i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
