He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
