She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
