my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
