I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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