I accidentally burped into my bong.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My pussy is not your playground.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
