people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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