Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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