Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
