I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
