Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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