I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
