On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
