id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
