Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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