I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
