i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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